


Un-Valentine

by Banana_daiquiri



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Explicit Sex, F/M, Humor, Valentine's Day, pranks galore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:26:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3414023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banana_daiquiri/pseuds/Banana_daiquiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To prove how not-a-couple they are, the Doctor and Rose set about creating the most unromantic day ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Challenge

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a short three-part story, Valentine's day themed, nice and fluffy (so that all those who read "The Equation" can recover from the bruising angst). Enjoy!  
> 

~~~~{{«

The Doctor has been to many dangerous places and seen many horrible things. He has come close, on more than one occasion, to falling into a black hole. He has seen planets explode, fought unimaginable monsters, and of course died numerous times. He eats peril for breakfast. But there's one destination above all others he fears: Jackie Tyler's flat.

"C'mon, Doctor, Valentine's Day is hard for Mum, she's all alone," Rose just had to say, giving him those _eyes_. Eyes that very much suggested that somewhere a puppy was dying because the world is unjust.

He gave her his absolute best pained expression, a contest-winning-grimace, and groaned when he realized it was having no effect. He stopped hesitating and pulled the lever his hand was resting on. "Just remember what I do for you," he griped, but gave her an adorable sidelong look that suggested he might forgive her eventually.

"How ever shall I thank you?" Rose teased, giving her tongue-touched grin. 

He smiled in that charming boyish way she knew he knew made her stomach flip...but, of course, he'd never go too far down that path. Flirting, as a general unspoken rule, was fine. The Doctor seemed to have some concept of flirting. Follow-through was a much bigger issue. Like if she went up right now and pressed against his back, sneaking a hand down to finally get more than a could-have-been-accidental feel of his gorgeous bum....

"Think I could just stay in the TARDIS?" he asked, wrinkling his nose. "Could always just say I have an alien flu. Far too risky to expose her to it."

"You can only use that excuse so many times, Doctor."

"Hey, the universe is a big place. Full of nastiness, disease, and no chance in hell you're going to let me out of this, are you?"

Rose was shaking her head.

"Mmm right well, I tried."

"Most noble effort."

"Thanks, one of my best."

No sooner had the TARDIS landed than Jackie was knocking angrily at the door. "Oi, I just vacuumed and you're making a big square print on my rug!" she yelled. "Rose, you need to tell your alien to park this thing outside!"

The Doctor was standing part way down the ramp, shoulders slumped. Rose came up beside him and linked her arm around his with a grin. "No time like the present," she said.

"But... _time machine!"_ he cried, gesturing around them, defeat already prominent in his eyes and body language.

Rose opened the door and stepped out, feeling the lag of his resistance as he tried one last time to slow her down. "Hey, Mum!" She pulled her arm from the Doctor's and leaned forward.

"Sweetheart." Jackie hugged Rose tightly, shooting the Doctor a glare over her shoulder. "What's this one had you doing, then? Been a while since I saw you."

"Oh no," Rose said, backing up. "How long has it been?" 

She was already gearing up to chastise him, depending on Jackie's answer. The Doctor was holding his breath.

"'S'been two weeks," Jackie whined.

The Doctor and Rose both exhaled audibly.

"Oh, anyway," Jackie griped. She brightened. "Happy Valentine's Day! Is that why you've come?"

The Doctor was reaching into the TARDIS even as Rose confirmed her mother's suspicion. When he pulled his arm back out he was brandishing a clear vase full with an assortment of trembling flowers. Oh wait...they weren't trembling; that was his arm.

Jackie caught sight of him and fell silent, glancing from his face to the flowers several times, uncertain. He swallowed. Jackie quiet was a rare thing, and it was not always good.

"For me?" she asked, hands clasped just below her neck. 

The Doctor nodded and smiled.

Jackie _tsk_ ed, a can-you-believe-this noise aimed meaningfully at her daughter, and took the vase from him. "Well thank you," she said. "That's the most human thing you've ever done." She turned with the flowers to put them down in the kitchen, just missing the look of panic that came over his face. 

Rose saw it and giggled. The Doctor hurried over to her, leaning down toward her to whisper frantically, "Not funny! Am I becoming more human, Rose? Did you notice this? Why didn't you tell me?!?"

His eyes were wide, that sexy hair of his begging to be messed up. Rose made a sudden and wicked decision: instead of addressing his alarm she pulled on the lapels of his coat, causing him to tumble half onto her on the couch just as Jackie returned. For a moment the two were a tangle of limbs, Rose laughing hysterically. The Doctor couldn't help but giggle as he struggled to get off her and right himself on the soft sofa, which was more difficult than one might think.

When he was finally situated in a sitting position, grinning like a fool at Rose, he realized the Prentice woman was standing before them with her arms folded. She was evaluating him and her daughter carefully.

"So when's this happening, then?" she asked casually.

"When's what happening?" Rose and the Doctor asked at exactly the same time. The smile hadn't managed to leave Rose's face yet, but it would soon.

"You two," Jackie said, then rolled her eyes. "Oh please, like you don't know what I'm talking about."

The Doctor just looked confused, straightening his tie, but Rose blushed. "Mum."

She flapped a hand. "Oh get off it, tomorrow's the most romantic day of the year. All you need are some candles and wine and the deal will be sealed."

The Doctor still looked puzzled. "Deal? What deal?"

Jackie grinned mischievously at Rose's horrified expression. "Mum, really!" She touched the Doctor's knee, very lightly, but it was a placating gesture. "'S'nothing, she doesn't mean anything."

"Tea?" Jackie asked brightly, changing the subject too suddenly to indicate anything but that there was some innuendo going on that the Doctor was very aware of being on the outside of.

Humans were funny like that. He couldn't always get them figured out.

After Jackie had disappeared to put the kettle on, the Doctor turned to Rose seriously. "What does she mean? Have you got something planned I should know about?"

Rose just stared at him, trying to decipher whether he could be serious. 

"What?" he asked, confused, just as she asked the same question, but in a are-you-for-real tone.

He sighed, exasperated, and gestured at her. "You first."

"Doctor," Rose said pointedly, as though she was speaking to a simpleton, "my Mum is inferring that if you and I get pissed and light some candles we will fall into bed together."

He just stared at her.

"Sex, Doctor, she's saying that we would...." she'd started off strong, fueled by annoyance at his impossible obliviousness, but now she found herself gulping, her mouth dry. 

Dawning horror spread across the Doctor's face, and Rose coughed. Yes, she was flustered with embarrassment (as was all too often the case for both of them when they visited her mum), but that look on his face was a little insulting.

By the time Jackie came back with the tea the Doctor had scooted to the other side of the couch, his cheeks flaming red. Jackie chuckled as she set their cups in front of them and took a place in her blue armchair. 

"Oh, I was just--" she began, but Rose quickly cut her off before she could keep showering them with awkward tension. There was enough of that in the TARDIS, thank-you-very-much.

"So what are _your_ plans for Valentine's Day, _Mum_?" she asked, her eyes very wide, tone more than suggestive of the idea that they should leave the Doctor out of...well, all further conversation, basically. 

Jackie sipped her tea and shrugged one shoulder. "I dunno, suppose I might go out to lunch with a friend. Nothing too exciting. We can't all be young and romantic."

Rose glared. Her arms were folded across her chest in an unconscious parody of an angry Jackie Tyler. The Doctor sort of shuddered to see it. "Who's being young and romantic?" she asked defensively. "No one young and romantic here."

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck, looking away. He could literally swear that the TARDIS was trying to suck him back inside. 

Jackie pursed her lips and ducked her head a little as she sipped her tea, clearly giving up. She sighed. "You two aren't any fun."

"Nope," Rose said. "That's us in a nutshell. No fun."

The Doctor looked thoughtful. "I was in a nutshell once...."

Both women looked at him and his eyes rolled toward them at the exact moment he realized no one would be interested in this story. "Nevermind," he muttered.

Rose got around to the point of their visit. "Why don't you go out on a date, Mum? You should try it out. Speed dating or somethin'. Aren't you interested?"

"Oh Rose." Jackie sighed. "Every year, you and this."

"It's just, you're still young," Rose protested. "I hate thinking of you just sitting here."

Jackie smiled fondly at her daughter. "Rose, I appreciate it sweetheart, but I'm happy. Really. I don't need a man. If one comes along then we'll see." She winked at the Doctor. "Haven't got a brother, have you?"

Rose groaned as the Doctor involuntarily made a sound of disgust.

Jackie shook her head. "If you two aren't a couple I'll eat a shoe."

~~~~{{«

"Weeeellll," the Doctor said as Rose trailed up the ramp in a state of great exhaustion some time later. The TARDIS began its dematerialization sounds. "That was worth it."

Rose collapsed on the jump seat. The Doctor leaned against the console, not looking at her. The evening's innuendo had been nonstop--after a while even the Doctor couldn't ignore it anymore. There was nothing for it; it had to be addressed.

"Sooo," he began, not sure where to go from here. "Your mother is really something. Mind in the gutter, that one. Very presumptuous."

"Yeah," Rose muttered, rolling her eyes and crossing her feet at the ankles, tucking her hands more deeply into the front pockets of her hoodie. "I mean...all that talk. We are _so_ not a couple."

"So, so not a couple," the Doctor confirmed, but his tone was just short of convincing. Rose quirked an eyebrow.

"So not a couple," the Doctor went on, more strongly, "that we should not only _not_ celebrate Valentine's Day...we should have an _Anti_ -Valentine's Day."

A slow smile of amusement spread across Rose's face. "And how would that work, exactly?"

He straightened and looked at her, shoving his own hands deep in his pockets and shrugging. "Whatever you humans do for Valentine's Day, we'll just...do the opposite."

Rose continued to grin and rocked her crossed feet from side to side. "You know, that's not a bad idea. Only...you have no idea what we do, do you?"

"I've... _some_ idea," he said thoughtfully, eyes rolling up toward the ceiling. "I could study it and then form a strategic plan of...." he smiled slyly at her, "attack."

For some reason the look he was giving her, along with his tone, sent a little thrill straight to a certain region of her anatomy she was fairly certain the Doctor didn't even know existed. Rose wiggled in her seat a bit and drew in a deep breath. She blew it out and pretended to give in to the suggestion, as if she wasn't dying of curiosity. "Fine. Attack away."

"Oooh ho ho," he said, and waggled his eyebrows, "just you wait, Rose Tyler. You're in for a treat."

~~~~{{«


	2. Game On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part II: the Doctor and Rose shower each other with their most unromantic ideas.

~~~~{{« 

"OhmyGAAAAHHHHH!" Rose spluttered, flailing into a sitting position in her bed. She held her hair over the backs of both hands, watching the ends drip a brown liquid all over her duvet. Blinking, mouth open, she looked up at the Doctor. He was standing calmly beside her bed with an empty cup of tea.

Her brow furrowed. "What. Was. That?" she asked through clenched teeth.

The Doctor was positively giddy, rocking on his heels. "You know, this morning I was in the kitchen and just thought how unromantic it would be if I _didn't_ make you a cup of tea, and then I thought, 'ooooo, I could take that a step further!' You're welcome. Happy Un-Valentine's Day." He grinned toothily and turned on his heel to exit, way too chipper.

Rose let her hands fall to the duvet, defeated. "Yeah," she growled. "Not a morning person. Just you wait."

~~~~{{« 

The Doctor discovered his first surprise a short time later while he was in the kitchen rummaging around for something to eat. He had no plans of cooking them breakfast; that would defeat the point of their little game. He located his box of Jammie Dodgers and pulled them down, but frowned when he realized that the box was obviously empty. He opened it, confused, certain he wouldn't have put an empty box back in the cupboard, and found this note taped to the inside of the flap:

_Roses are red_  
the TARDIS is blue  
your biscuits are sweet  
...I ate the last one 

_\- Rose_

He was staring at the note, thoroughly vexed, when she walked in a few moments later.

"It doesn't even rhyme!" he protested, voice a few octaves too high. 

She grinned and stuck her nose in the air, folding her arms.

"Mess with my sweets..." he grumbled, throwing her an irritated glance as he set the empty box down on the counter with a little more force than was necessary. 

"Yeah, and thanks for the tea," she said sweetly, her back to him as she set about making toast.

He rested back against the counter and folded his own arms, smiling haughtily. He wasn't done quite yet...she'd see.

Rose settled down with her toast after a minute and ate, browsing a magazine without looking up at him. "So, where we going today?"

The Doctor set about scrambling some eggs, smiling to himself. "It's a surprise. There's a hint in the console room."

Rose, her head still down, glanced up at his back, immediately suspicious. "Hmmm. All right, then...."

The eggs sizzled in the pan as the Doctor turned to look at her, all seriousness. "I think you should go look, I think you'll be quite pleased."

She evaluated him carefully, but she saw nothing in his face to indicate that he was being anything but genuine. Still, she moved hesitantly from her stool to exit the room. A few moments later she screamed loudly. The Doctor turned off the burner and dashed to the console room.

_"What is that?"_ Rose asked, pointing, eyes wide.

"Oh, that? I got you a teddy bear."

_"That is not a teddy bear!"_

"Okay," the Doctor said, considering said object. He tilted his head and looked thoughtful. "It's a taxidermied bear. Is there a difference?"

Rose had one hand pressed to her chest. She was pale as cream. "Scared the pants off me!"

"No no no, Rose, keep those on...at least 'til the end of the date."

She glowered at him. He was biting his lips.

"Har de har," she said. "That's the last time I tell you about my dreams, mister."

Rose had once told him that when she was a child she'd watched Winnie the Pooh and it had had a strange effect on her: rather than feeling enchanted she'd had nightmares about bears for weeks. The full-sized taxidermied beast standing by the console with its jaws fixed in an eternal snarl was the embodiment of her childhood trauma. 

"Don't really need to," he said smugly, trailing after her back into the kitchen. "You talk in your sleep."

For some reason she turned pink. The Doctor chuckled smugly.

Instead of going back to his eggs when they returned to the kitchen, the Doctor was right behind Rose. He waited until she was about to sit, then moved her chair back just enough so that she crashed down on the floor. 

"Bloody hell, Doctor!"

"Thought I was supposed to pull your chair out for you."

_"Before_ I go to sit! And when I'm aware! _Damn_ it!"

She was quite a sight on the floor. The Doctor reached out good-naturedly to help her stand, but she just frowned at him and rubbed her elbow. "'S'not funny. You could have really hurt me. Think I bruised my arm."

He frowned and pulled her up gently by the uninjured arm and then began examining where she thought she'd been bruised. Her soft flesh was, in fact, a little blue. "Sorry," he murmured. "No more rough-housing." He took out his sonic and ran it lightly over her skin to dissipate the mark while she watched, and then he blew over it as if to cool it. Once that was done he put the sonic back and ran his fingertips gently over her forearm, still looking at it intently as though to make sure there was no trace of the injury left. His breath tickled her as he leaned over her and breathed.

Rose tried, and failed, to suppress a shiver. He noticed it and met her eyes to ask if she was cold, but the words died out as he saw the way she was biting her lip. 

She cleared her face of the expression so quickly he wondered if he'd imagined it. He didn't let go of her arm. "All better?" he purred.

She nodded coolly and he let go of her, clearing his throat. "Right. Eggs." He went to the stove and turned the burner back on. He looked over his shoulder guiltily. "Would you like some?"

Rose grinned like the cat who got the canary. "You're rubbish at this. I am so gonna win."

He managed to look insulted at the very idea. "Fine, no eggs for you. Hmm...you know, we didn't establish that this was a bet. No stakes have been set."

"Good point," she said, tapping her lower lip. "All right, got it. If I win you have to take me anywhere I want. For two weeks!"

"Two weeks?" he asked incredulously. "Wow, those _are_ high stakes. You know very well I can't sit still that long."

"A bet's a bet," she said firmly. "And might I remind you this was _your_ idea?"

"Oh, fine fine. Let's see then...oh! If I win, which I _will,_ you have to go with me to the Advancements in Science Expo on Gamma Alta 4. They're supposed to be demonstrating a circuitous vorpal particle inhibitor."

"A say what?"

"Exactly. You'll love it."

She made a face. "Doubtful."

"You," he said, and beeped her nose with his index finger, "are no fun."

She made as though to bite his finger and he snatched it back quickly with a wink.

~~~~{{« 

After they had deposited the bear at the nearest dump (Rose refused to go anywhere with it sitting in the console room, though the Doctor had been all in favor of keeping and naming it. "We need a TARDIS mascot, Rose! The TARDIS has never had a mascot and I rather think she'd like one, don't you?") they were all set to head off to the Doctor's mystery destination.

"Please tell me the bear wasn't really a hint," Rose moaned.

"Nope," the Doctor said, popping the "p," "much to my chagrin, it was not."

"Good."

"Not directly, anyway."

Rose fiddled nervously with her earring.

Several minutes later the Doctor smiled at her in what could only be described as an evil manner. "We've arrived."

"I shudder to think," Rose said, her tone dry, and accompanied him to the TARDIS doors. 

He opened them and she stood staring out into space at the mess they were orbiting. "What...what _is_ that?"

"Space garbage."

"Space garbage." 

"Yes. This is this solar system's dumping ground. It's essentially its own planet. They have a name for it but it has twenty syllables and I can't pronounce two of them."

The Doctor and Rose settled in the doorway, dangling their legs as the TARDIS orbited the junk pile. Large chunks of twisted metal were slowly being pulled into the mass's field of gravity and Rose looked at them all--coils, cans that may once have been filled with fuel, gears, wires and god-knew-what. All of it looked dangerous. Once a condiment-stained napkin drifted by. 

"This is bloody awful," Rose deadpanned.

_"Thought_ you'd be impressed," the Doctor said, pleased.

Rose looked at his profile. "You know," she said fondly, "you are downright hideous, have I ever told you that?"

He pouted at her. "Well, you're...an awful dresser."

"Oh really, Mr. I-only-own-one-suit?"

"I stick with what works. 'Stylish."

"You think that's what it is, do you?"

"And your hair is very...yellow. And your eyelashes are...thick."

"Doctor...they're supposed to be that way. The word you're looking for is 'blonde,' by the way."

"Well, everything you own is very...pink."

"You're starting to lose." She half-smiled. "And as for your hair, it makes it look like you just..." she ruffled his fringe in the front, "got shagged in a cupboard." Her fingers lingered, something in her chest seizing as she realized how soft it was.

As innocently as the gesture could be interpreted, glossed over, she'd never acted this boldly before. She felt like she'd gone too far; she expected him to pull away stiffly and start muttering about something unrelated, but instead he smiled softly, a little shyly, eyes fixed on hers until she became the one who felt a bit awkward.

He shook his head mockingly and said very softly, "'It's supposed to be that way.'"

She grinned, bit the corner of her lip, and looked away. She swung her legs a little, ears burning. "So," she said, drawing in a deep breath and relaxing back on her palms, "you really know how to sweep a girl off her feet. You, me, TARDIS, big ball of space junk."

"Oh, you know." He shrugged and sniffed, mirroring her posture and gazing at the wreck before them. "I read something about taking my date to a drive-in. Figured it sounded a bit rubbish."

"Oh, completely."

After a long moment of comfortable silence Rose said, "You know, we've only had breakfast yet, and a pitiful one at that. I imagine it's going to be very difficult for us to eat today, what with all the doing-for-each-other it involves."

"It _is_ problematic," the Doctor concurred.

"However will we manage?" she batted her eyes.

"I'm sure I can burn something for us," he said optimistically.

"That sounds delicious, my lord."

"Quite, mi'lady. Shall I get started?"

"Thought you'd never offer." 

He sprang up and sauntered back to the kitchen. Rose lowered herself to a lying position on the floor, legs still dangling. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly. God. He was going to kill her. He. Was going. To kill her.

~~~~{{« 

"Did you know that carbohydrates stimulate the reward center of the brain because they're high on the glycemic index? Also, it's worth noting that chocolate elevates serotonin production in a way that uncannily replicates what the emotion of love stimulates in a human. This is why I did _not_ make you chips and chocolate cupcakes for lunch," the Doctor said by way of introduction to his latest culinary disaster some time later.

Rose raised an eyebrow, looking amused as she leaned her chin on her fist at the kitchen island. 

"I present to you...this lump of coal," the Doctor said, uncovering a dish. 

"What _is_ that?" Rose asked flatly.

"Grilled cheese."

"Mmmm," Rose said sarcastically. "Looks...ummm...smokey."

"There's some cheese in there somewhere still, I believe," he said easily. "Dig in. The sooner you get gagging the sooner we can move on to other things."

"Like my next surprise," Rose said confidently, picking up the "sandwich" between her fingers as if she had any intention of doing much with it.

"Got one of those, have you? I'd begun to doubt it."

It was Rose's turn to wink. "Just you wait."

"I can hardly." He slid into his chair and ate his perfectly toasted grilled cheese sandwich in front of her, rolling his eyes and licking his fingers as if to say how good it was.

Rose would have been irritated, but on the inside she was bemoaning the fact that he was definitely winning, so far. Well, they'd see how the score added up after her next bout of creativity.

Once they'd finished "lunch," or what passed for it, Rose slipped around the island toward the Doctor, deliberately encroaching on his personal space. She decided to push it as far as she could to see how long it would take him to react. In point of fact she was almost between his knees before he stopped breathing.

"Rose?"

"I've got something for you, Doctor. Close your eyes."

"Erm...."

"Come on, now. I've been a pretty good sport. It's time for your next surprise."

The Doctor was a sucker for surprises, good or bad, so he obediently closed his eyes with a grin and waited patiently while she tied a deep blue, silky blindfold over his eyes. When that was over she slid her hand into his and threaded their fingers together, pulling him with her. He followed as though she was the pied piper until she was ready to pull the blindfold off, which she did with a flourish.

She made sure to have a good view of his face when she did it. It was worth it: she'd never, ever seen him look so shocked, and probably never would again.

"What...how...."

They were standing outside the TARDIS, back in Jackie Tyler's flat.

Rose examined her nails. "The TARDIS has what is essential a redial button, Doctor. I've been watching you." She flicked her gaze up to his to see him watching her with grim fascination. "It's five minutes from the time we left."

Jackie came down the stairs, mouth hanging open, and joined them in the living room. Her expression could have been said to mirror the Doctor's, except that hers had pleasure in it. "Rose! Did you forget something?"

"Actually, Mum, the Doctor decided he wanted to hear all about how you met Dad," Rose said, and nudged his shoulder as if encouraging a shy child to go for what he wanted. "Didn't you, Doctor?"

"Rassilon, just you wait," the Doctor surreptitiously growled out of the corner of his clenched teeth.

~~~~{{« 

"Admit it," Rose said as they stumbled back into the TARDIS three hours later. "Just say it."

"That was brilliant," the Doctor said colorlessly. The true kicker had been when Rose had encouraged him to show her mother what he'd found the other day on Janzalon and he had reached into his pocket only to freeze, a look of alarm spreading over his face. "Rose," he'd asked slowly, "how many pears, exactly, did you put in my _transdimensional_ pockets?"

"Enough," she said, grinning atrociously. 

"How...when...."

"The TARDIS likes me," she'd revealed.

She knew now, without a doubt, where the score stood; they both did. 

"Oh but Doctor, I am so, _so_ sorry," Rose said, hand to her chest, feigning regret.

He glowered at her as he drew closer, but there was a playfulness glinting at the back of his eyes she didn't fail to notice. He lunged at her suddenly and grabbed her close, tickling her relentlessly.

"NO! No, stop! STOP!" Rose gasped, falling to the grating and rolling over. This was her biggest weakness.

He straddled her, pinning her down, and continued the relentless attack until she was gasping in what sounded like a genuine asthma attack even though she did not have asthma. Finally he stood, looking rather puffed-up, and folded his arms above her. 

"There are planets where they would lock you up for what you just did," he said. "It's called _cruel and unusual punishment._ They have that on Earth, but Earth is far, far more lenient. No...some planets would decree that you were summarily indebted to me for an untold length of time for what you just did."

Rose was slowly catching her breath, eyes gleaming. Her look turned dark, and she narrowed her eyes at him impishly. "So what's my punishment, Doctor?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, you're judge, jury, and executioner here on your own ship, aren't you?" she asked even as she accepted his extended hand and was helped to her feet for the second time that day.

_Too much tackling, not enough follow-through,_ she thought.

The Doctor pretended to consider. "Well, now that you mention it...." he took her wrist and began tugging her toward the library. He had some scented candles in there, just waiting. Some fish-scented candles. He'd light them all and read to her from his most complicated astrophysics book, insisting that she listen because failing to do so would mean she automatically forfeited. He grinned evilly.

Until, that is, the library door wouldn't budge.

He pushed on it again, brow furrowing.

"Try your sonic," Rose suggested.

The Doctor took his sonic out--thankfully the library door was metal, not wood--and hit a button for the automatic setting. Great for unlocking doors.

The TARDIS' music library kicked on and began to blare "Uptown Funk" by Bruno Mars, yet somehow the library door stayed steadfast. The Doctor was so taken by surprise that he jumped back at the opening notes of the song, alarmed. It took him a long moment to place the sound, and once he had he simply swiveled slowly to Rose with a look of such devastating confusion on his face that she could have squealed with joy: she'd won. She grinned and tugged him back into the console room and started to dance around him as if she knew that at any moment he'd join in. He blushed self-consciously as Rose elegantly cut a rug around him.

"What's the matter, Doctor? Don't have the moves? I thought you knew how to dance," she said, smirking.

The Doctor drew himself up and gave it his best, swiveling, mirroring her movements quickly; his spatial intelligence was amazing when he put his mind to it. Still, by the end, Rose was bright-eyed and pretending she wasn't impressed. The Doctor reached out and snatched her by the waist, glaring at her as though trying to figure out exactly how he should handle her. She'd re-calibrated the TARDIS' key mechanism; he'd had no idea she was capable of that. It merited some serious interrogation.

Rose slid one hand around his neck and tried to look anywhere but his lips, failing miserably. He became aware of it after a long, punch-drunk moment, and met her gaze with a burning she begged all the gods was not another product of her nocturnal imagination.

~~~~{{« 


	3. And the winner is....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! I hope you enjoy it. :D
> 
> Warning: serious smut ahead. Serious smut.
> 
> NSFW.  
> 

_The Doctor reached out and snatched her by the waist, glaring at her as though trying to figure out exactly how he should handle her._

_Rose slid one hand around his neck and tried to look anywhere but his lips, failing miserably. He became aware of it after a long, punch-drunk moment, and met her gaze with a burning she begged all the gods was not another product of her nocturnal imagination._

~~~~{{« 

"Rose Tyler, you seem to have figured out everything about me, my ship, and my sonic." His gaze was both awed and thoughtful. "How've you done that?"

 _Love,_ she thought automatically, but only smiled.

His face was only a few inches from hers. One of his hands slid to her lower back. "I figure with the sort of build-up we've had all day it would be easy enough to raise your expectations unrealistically at the last moment and disappoint you that much more with the finale," he teased.

"Ummm..." she gulped. "What finale, Doctor?"

"Well, you're expecting that right now I will come back at you with something absolutely horrible. The anticipation is killing you, yeah?" his voice dropped to a whisper on "yeah," and Rose's stomach dropped with it. One of his fingers twitched against that spot on her low back, and she caught a glimmer in his eye...the bastard.

"Yeah," she murmured, not looking away, silently daring him (pretending that her heart wasn't about to pound out of her chest, which he was holding her close enough, surely, to feel). 

"Hmm." He looked over her shoulder thoughtfully. "I could let this drag out...."

She dug her fingertips into his arms. "Please don't."

His mouth quirked sideways into a cocky smile. "Fine then. Rose Tyler..." he leaned in closer, tilting his head.

"Yes?" she squeaked.

"You win," he said, only a hair's breadth from her lips, and then released her.

She stayed frozen where she was, palms sweating, as he stepped casually back from her.

"You got me good," he said, and shot her another damn wink, cocking his finger at her like a gun. "So, where are we headed for the next two weeks?"

_My bedroom,_ she thought furiously. "Uhhh...."

He tilted his head, waiting expectantly, a sweet smile on his face which she was very suspicious about.

Rose ran a hand back through her hair, blinking, trying to regain a semblance of control. She pointed off the console room. "How about the kitchen, first? I'm starving. Haven't eaten properly all day."

"Yes, brilliant idea," he said. "Sorry about that. Too busy making you miserable. Why don't you go to the library and I'll meet you there with something?"

She nodded, happy to have an excuse to get away from him for a moment; all she could think about now was what a tease he was. In lieu of a cold shower she could read a book, perhaps. "All right." She smiled, trying her best to keep it light. "Sounds good."

~~~~{{« 

Rose had successfully managed to distract herself with a work of science fiction by the time the Doctor arrived with lunch. She was engrossed with the book, biting a nail. She was starting to pick up on a not-quite-hidden air of sexual tension between the two main characters. The woman had her complete sympathy.

The Doctor glanced at her choice. "Ah. That's a good one."

"You've read it?"

"Read about eighty percent of what's in here," he said easily, and Rose glanced behind herself and toward the upper levels, not bothering to hide her admiration. 

"You've read most of this?"

"I've had a lot of time to kill. When I don't have a companion I sometimes have down time between missions...sometimes self-enforced down time...you know. To recharge." He said this casually, but it put a spike of ice through Rose's heart.

"Have you often been without companions?"

He set a tray on the stone coffee table in front of her and sat sideways next to her so he could face her. He rested his elbow on the back of the sofa and his temple against his fist. "Mmm..." he rolled his eyes upward, seeming to calculate. "Over the course of recent history...the time is split about equally. Time with and time without."

Rose set her book aside, frowning lightly. She regarded the salad he'd fixed for her. It was full of tomatoes and cold chicken and cucumber, and it looked delicious, but she was suddenly not so hungry. Still, she picked up the bowl and stabbed some lettuce with her fork. "Wonder how much longer I have," she murmured. She brought the fork to her mouth and had just started chewing when she felt something that made her freeze.

The Doctor had sat up to free his hand, and was brushing the hair back from her temple, tucking it behind her ear. She turned her head to look at him and caught the unguarded wistfulness in his features. He saw her seeing it, and she heard his breath pause.

He cleared his throat and smiled. "Nah, you're not going anywhere for a while. We have plenty of time." He turned to sit normally and picked up his own bowl. "By the way, might I say...you are devilish, Rose Tyler. You got me good."

"What's with all the candles, Doctor?"

He glanced around at the candles surrounding them.

"Strangely romantic, all things considered," she added.

"Oh, those," he said, chewing. "Don't worry, they smell like three-day-old tuna. Completely unromantic."

Rose wrinkled her nose. "I don't even want to know why you have them. Please never light them."

"Agreed," he said. "Game's over. Limited occasions where those would be useful."

Rose chuckled. 

The Doctor inquired again about possible places Rose might like to visit for their two-week stay, and they bantered ideas back and forth for a while. The Doctor kept trying to suggest perilous activities and Rose kept cutting him down. She eyed him thoughtfully when they were done.

"I made something for you," she said. "For when we were done torturing each other."

"Oh?"

"Yes, it's in the kitchen. Something sweet."

He brightened. "Well, what are you waiting for, then? You did eat my last Jammie Dodger, after all," he admonished good-naturedly.

When they'd reached the kitchen Rose pointed at the island and the Doctor had a seat while Rose went to the freezer. She reached in and pulled out a tall glass full of ice cream drizzled with caramel. She set it in front of him.

"This was thoughtful of you," he said, surprised. "You aren't having any?"

"Nah. I just made it for you because I knew I was going to be particularly cruel. Enjoy."

He took a spoonful and stuck it into his mouth without hesitation. Rose began to count: three seconds passed before he made a face and began looking for some place to spit it out--a napkin, a handy bin, anything. Not seeing anything, he forced himself to swallow it, and braced his hands on the island, unable to get rid of his grimace. 

"Are you tasting the love yet?" Rose asked innocently. "Lot of carbs in that."

"That," the Doctor moaned, "is mashed potato with caramel."

"Yup."

The gaze he fixed on her next left no mystery as to what he was thinking: she was in trouble. She grinned and tried to dodge around the island, but he was fast. He sprang up and made as though to meet her around the side of the island closest to the door, so she backtracked and ran around the other side, narrowly missing his grasp as she legged it for the door with an animated yelp. She was halfway down the hallway before he grabbed her around the waist and pinned her back against the wall. 

She struggled in his arms and grabbed his hands so he couldn't tickle her. They tussled, but he was grinning. "Cheater," he said. "You already won and my guard was down. That was completely unnecessary. You are _sadistic_."

She was laughing so hard tears trickled from the corners of her eyes. She fought to keep his hands in check, but he was very quick and she lost her grip, pulling in a breath to prepare for the merciless tickling she was anticipating.

Instead, his hands threaded into her hair and he pressed his body into hers as he caught her lips.

"Hmm--mmm," Rose said, her noise of surprise quickly changing to one of interest. Her arms went around him, her hands rising to the backs of his shoulders. She tilted her head and parted her lips to welcome the warm tongue that was insinuating a rather more intimate perusal of her mouth.

Their mutual sigh of relief and the rustling of their clothes were the only noises as they pressed closer.

He pulled back slightly after a minute and tried to speak casually, but his eyes were dark. "I just thought that you should taste how horrible that was."

"I dunno," Rose panted. "Tastes pretty good to me." 

She barely had the words out before he was diving back into the kiss again, this time biting her tongue softly when it entered his mouth. One of his hands slid from her hair and ran down her side, over her hip and around so that his index and middle fingers rested just below her buttock in the crease where it met her thigh. She was wearing jeans; she fervently regretted not having chosen a skirt that morning. To show his touch was welcome (in case it wasn't already obvious) she raised her leg and hooked it around him so there could be no mistaking that she was no longer playing. It didn't seem that he was, either, but this was the Doctor and she wasn't taking any chances.

His other hand came down from her hair and trailed as lightly as a fallen strand of hair over her breast, filling her with heat and a delicious impatience. Experimentally she rocked her hips against him to see how serious he was.

He broke the kiss when she did it, but didn't pull back. His gaze flicked up to hers when he was certain she must be feeling his response.

And this was it. This was the moment. All the uncertainty and the waiting and wanting and wondering were over; the pretense was down and they could never go back. The question was, when would he start sputtering? When would he pull back and start muttering about mistakes and apologizing, disappearing to tinker with the TARDIS until they both felt enough time had passed that they could begin the glossing-over process?

He leaned in, lids dropping as his gaze fell to her lips, which he licked very softly as he rocked his hips against her in return, pressing his growing arousal against the heat of her centre, which, with his superior senses, she was certain he could probably feel right through their clothing.

Rose moaned, her thoughts falling into gibberish, one incoherent litany of _yes_ and _now_ and _don't stop_ and _oh my god, he's hard. He's hard, and he wants me to know it._

"What was it I said earlier about you being summarily indebted to me for an untold length of time?" he murmured against her lips.

Rose tried to answer, but all that came out was an aroused gasp as he moved to home in on a sensitive spot on her neck as if he'd always known exactly where it was. Her hand slid through the hair at the back of his head and her eyes fell shut as he sucked with gentle pressure. 

For a moment she thought she must have fallen asleep and was dreaming, because the Doctor most certainly could not be tugging purposefully at the button on her jeans. She reached past his hand and slid her zipper down, not wasting any time lest he change his mind, but changing his mind didn't seem to be on his radar if how quickly his hand slid inside was any indication.

His fingertips brushed over the front of her knickers and he panted against her lips as he reached where he would have been able to slide his digits into her if there wasn't an article of clothing in the way. He rubbed her there and she felt the telltale slide of the fabric; she was drenched. "Fucking hell," he growled, and Rose whimpered and rocked herself against his hand, desperate to be touched deeply.

The Doctor braced himself against the wall with his right arm, his left still down the front of her jeans. Shifting seemed to allow him enough of a break from the tension that he could speak. "In a minute I am not going to be able to stop myself from taking you right here, so if you have any reservations I suggest you make them known," he whispered shakily. 

The thrill of desire that shot through her, further sensitizing her right where he was touching, was unbearable. "No," she answered quickly, meeting his black gaze under his hooded lids, aware that she looked much the same, "I need you...there." She slid her hand over the top of her jeans, above where his hand was, and pressed his fingers harder against her. 

He made an involuntary sound of need and slid his hand from her, but only to set about removing items of clothing. They watched each other hungrily as their layers were shed. He knocked her hands gently away when she went to unclasp her bra so that he could do it himself, wrapping his arms around her and pressing her against his bare chest as his hands found the hook and eye closure in the back, which he released deftly with a flick of his fingers. She swallowed hard as he drew the garment off of her, taking inventory of what was revealed and then meeting her eyes again with a smoldering smile full of promise. 

He still had his trousers on, meanwhile she was all the way down to her knickers. Eager for him to catch up, she reached down, but again he gently pushed her hand away and did it himself, sliding his trousers and pants off in one go and kicking them impatiently away. Her knickers went next, lowered down her legs while he hesitated with his face directly in front of her sex, his warm breath hitting her as she watched him helplessly. She stepped out of her knickers, bracing herself with her hands on his shoulders, and he tossed them away onto his own pile of clothing as if he intended to keep them. Rose knew beyond a doubt she was about to wake up in her own bed a minute from now in desperate need of release. She ran one hand through his soft fringe again, but he didn't acknowledge it as he pressed his lips against her and gave her clit a much-needed lick with his curled tongue.

Rose cried out, her thighs already quivering. What on Earth had gotten into him? She was tempted to ask _why now?_ but there was no way she would interrupt this moment or wake him from the desire clouding his face. He looked as though he'd been starved for this and was only just now waking up to that fact, and she was more than happy to be the one to satisfy him. He simply looked at her sex, sliding a finger over her slit, down over her bundle of nerves and then directly between her legs. He looked up at her as he pushed the digit inside her and curled it, and she whimpered again, completely undone.

He smiled slowly. "Who wins now?" he asked softly. Another finger joined the first and she bucked her hips involuntarily, her hands shooting up to play with her nipples in her best attempt to get him to shut up and lose control the way she already had. He watched her, smile sliding from his face, and swallowed hard. He stood and kissed her again, his fingers still moving inside her, faster now, swirling every so often. Now that she could reach him she wrapped a hand around his erection and slid her hand over him, noticing that he was slick as well. She squeezed him softly, urgently.

He broke the kiss again; she wished he'd stop doing that. "I don't think we need protection," he murmured quickly. "Nothing can...result from this...can I just...."

She nodded frantically, and the next thing she knew he had lifted her up and coaxed her legs around him, and he was pressing his tip against her. She rocked her hips a little to lubricate him and seconds later felt him slide all the way in, forcing a little cry from both of them as she came down a little harder than anticipated at the end.

The only time one of Rose's two previous partners had tried this position with her he'd been unable to maintain it because he wasn't strong enough to hold her up; there was no such problem with the Doctor. He held her tirelessly with one arm as he palmed one breast with his other hand so he could suck gently on her nipple. She bit her lip hard during his ministrations, and eventually she could tell he was losing some of his control. He released her nipple from his mouth and slid his tongue softly up her chest, over her neck, his mouth ending up by her ear. He gasped shakily as he thrust into her again and again, and she dug her fingernails into his buttocks in encouragement, making sure she didn't do it hard enough to hurt him. He seemed unconcerned, saying nothing except to admit, "I'm so tired of touching myself when you're right in the next room."

Rose let out a groan of disbelief; she'd known he was going to kill her. She pulled his head back by his hair and kissed him urgently, putting all of her feeling behind it; lust, love...anything he wanted to read into it was plainly available. After a minute or so he slowly let her legs drop, and the next thing she knew he was withdrawing from her and turning her around, leaning her over the beginning of a railing lining the ramp of a nearby hallway. She complied eagerly and moments later he was pressing into her again from behind. They were both a bit sensitized from the withdrawal, and this time when he slid into her again it struck them both how absolutely perfect the fit was. They froze again at the end of the first fantastic maneuver, their last moment of calm before they descended into a fury of thrusts and desperate grinding. 

"Later we're doing this properly, in...my...bed," he groaned, the last three words each punctuated with a thrust which he had a nice view of. His nails scraped over her back with just enough pressure for her to feel it, and the force of the impact as he thrust again sent her over the edge, practically screaming her release, shouting his name. He grabbed her hips, losing himself in the combination of the sound she made and the way she throbbed around him. He came deep inside her, gritting his teeth with the unbelievable force of it.

Rassilon, it had been ages, and never so good.

They regained their composure for a moment, neither moving from their position, and finally pulled apart. She turned and he slid his arms around her, pulling her flush against him in a loving embrace. He nuzzled her nose with his own and she grinned broadly, hardly able to kiss him because of it. "Doctor," she said huskily.

"Hmm?"

She stroked his cheek. "Have you lost your mind?"

He grinned back at her. "No, just my control."

"Why now?"

He laughed. "You're sexy when you're outsmarting me. Well, you're sexy a lot of the time, but this was the final straw."

They held each other for a long time, stroking each other wordlessly, enjoying feather-light touches and the occasional playful lick of a nose.

"You aren't worried?" she asked eventually.

"About what?" he asked, tightening his arms around her waist and swiveling her side to side. But she could tell by the look in his eyes and something lurking under his tone that he wasn't clueless.

"About how this changes things," she prodded gently.

"Rose," he said with a sigh, regarding her soberly, "I can keep telling myself that you know. I can keep going to bed every night alone, waking up eager more than anything else just to have breakfast with you because your morning grumpiness is frankly hilarious and endearing, and I can keep grabbing your hand and hugging you during every adventure and never let it progress beyond that. But I have a long life ahead of me, and so many years to feel regret. I'd rather know that I showed you what you mean to me. I'd rather just tell you that I'm head-over-heels in love with you."

She sniffled, a happy tear sliding from the corner of her eye, which he leaned in quickly to kiss away. "I love you too."

She dismissed herself to the loo so she could clean herself up, which she desperately needed. When she came back out he swept her off her feet, making her squawk with surprise. He carried her to his room and laid her on his bed, drawing the covers over them as he scooted in close to her and brushed his thumb lovingly across her cheek. "Happy Valentine's Day, Rose," he said, looking perfectly smitten.

"Happy Valentine's Day," she said, sliding her leg over his waist. "My Doctor." She beamed.

"Oh...and Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"I wouldn't turn your back on me after this if I were you. I'm so gonna get you back for that potato ice cream."

She laughed as he slid down to kiss softly between her breasts.

~~~~{{« 


End file.
